Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-25389622-20141101150445/@comment-25389622-20150110235424

OK, these are the other changes that I want to discuss. They'll be nice and quick, to the point.

"avoid the snowman's foot." Sorry, I see what you mean now, but we still need to add in about the fist.

"could not allow her to be killed." Not allowed to be killed by who? Surely it is the Duke's men?

"Scowling his displeasure" Does that read OK to you? I haven't heard it written like that. Scowling in his displeasure, perhaps?

"within the whiteout" I looked it up, and it said "white-out". The noun is whiteout, so ignore me if that was your thinking. I guess you would say, "a white-out", but this is "the whiteout".

"sunk in, Elsa sank to" Sink, sunk, sank... I changed it because it didn't read well to me. Is it OK like this with you?

"savagely at his impending triumph." Surely it is impending - he hasn't triumphed yet.

"summer, having learned that love was the key to controlling her powers." I left this bit in because you left it in, and you did it for clarity, although I agree that it is not describing Hans and his not from his point of view, so there's no other reason for it to be in there.

<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Hans also shows himself to have an understanding of survival, able to endure the journey to the North Mountain while also leading the guards." Unnecessary?

<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">Last thing: "By dawn, Hans and his troop had arrived at the North Mountain to find the spectacle which was Elsa's ice palace..." OK, they didn't expect to see the palace. Well, actually, we don't know whether he saw it from another view. Why else would have he gone to the North Mountain? Unless they saw that as the source of the unusual weather too. The point is, I wanted to say how he was in awe of it. <p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">Also, I did literally mean "his troop", troop being another word for group. I wouldn't call them "his troops". They are Arendelle's troops; he's not strictly their leader.