Thread:Dragonboy6491/@comment-25389622-20150412221500/@comment-24199126-20150418123537

Sorry for catching this late. Still working on that project :P

On to your questions though :):

1) For the coronation, character detail remains, yes. It's impossible to leave it all out, which is why my summaries say "excess detail" :). The best example I can give is with Elsa in the library. Elsa's nervousness is an important part of the day, no doubt about that (it's her coronation after all). However, that can be mentioned easily with just a single sentence, as I have done. The previous version precisely described Elsa mimicking the ceremony to practice concealing her powers, which is all well and good, but that level of detail isn't as important to the event as say, Elsa's own page :). For the purposes of the coronation itself, the more important thing was to be general and note Elsa's nervousness. Also note that in contrast, we noted Anna's excitement for the day to come.

If you'd like another example, see the section about the party. If something affects the way the event plays out, then it should be mentioned (e.g. Anna and Elsa reconnecting, Anna and Hans' engagement, Anna and Elsa's argument, Elsa revealing her powers). Both of our edits encompass these points, which is good. However, while Anna and Elsa's conversation is important (since it plays a role in Anna leaving to find Hans), describing what occurred (e.g. Anna hesitant to speak to Elsa, being interrupted by the Duke of Weselton, etc.) isn't needed to convey the main point: The pair begin reconnecting, but it ends badly, leading to Anna's departure. That then leads to the engagement, then the party's end, and finally, Elsa's flight.

Third example: Notice the amount of detail in discussing Hans and Anna bonding when, for the purposes of the coronation party, the only important detail was the fact they ultimately got engaged. All the other details are more suited to Anna/Hans' history pages, or even for "Love is an Open Door" ^^

2) The assault on Elsa's palace could probably use some trimming. It's not as pressing as the others since the events detail "duels" of sorts between the characters. However, nothing is ever truly exempt from a good shortening :). If there's ever focus on character interactions beyond combat, then that's likely a good thing to trim from the page.

3) I don't think I'll have time to go over Anna's birthday, but you can give it a whirl :). I guess the best pointer I can give is: Too much detail is bad. I think I've said this before (for location pages), but if you find yourself saying "X character did this, then that, then that, then that", chances are that what's being described can be condensed into a single sentence that keeps the focus on the event's progression, yet it still provides ample detail so that the sequence makes sense logically. So the important thing is to make sure we don't dwell on a certain part of an event for too long and to keep the progression going (e.g. Anna's sacrifice is important for setting up Elsa's understanding of her powers, but the takeaway is what Elsa learns from the sacrifice, not a detailed account of how Anna ran across the fjord to block Hans, etc.).

While I'm here, I will point out that a transcript is a written representation of what was said and should thus use the exact same words spoken. I'm especially aware that Jennifer Lee says "and" a lot, but it's not wrong from a grammatical standpoint :). It sounds clunky, yes, but the transcript isn't meant to be our encyclopedic rendition of their commentary, it's meant to present what they say, exactly as it was said.